I'm honestly still ambivalent about blogging regularly, because I do have a paper journal/diary which I enjoy very much. That said, I find it cool to read others' blogs, and I do enjoy writing overall. It's a different form of writing as well. Less "didn't sleep much last night, feeling tired" and more "here are some of the things I'm thinking about in a semi-organized fashion".
So, here are some of the things I'm thinking about in a semi-organized fashion.
Being trans (I am always thinking about this and will probably continue to until my transition is much farther along/finished). I feel that I'm really coming into my own identity now. It's maybe 10 or 11 months since I realized it, and I've learned a lot about myself, what I want from my body, my social life, my sex life, etc. As much as I wish I could have realized it ten or more years ago and avoided as much severe (SEVERE) depression, something nice about realizing it in my late 20s is that I'm far more equipped to understand what it all means and how to navigate such a big change. And I still have plenty of time left in my life to transition and enjoy a more comfortable body. It's very exciting to anticipate.
The political situation in the United States. Both in the ways it directly affects my life choices (I still haven't moved out of this godforsaken state and it'll probably be another six months minimum), and the ways in which it mainly just...sucks. There's a lot of quite literally evil people in power right now. A lot of corruption: bribes, kickbacks, money changing hands for favors. A lot of harming and killing people for shit reasons or no reason at all. This country was built upon cruelty and it never stomped it out; there are some ways in which the situation is better (the average person is more understanding these days of others' life experiences) and some ways in which it is worse (income inequality, the previously mentioned corruption, corporate power...). The killing of the USAID department, despite it being sort of a band-aid on the issue of neo-colonialism, has been particularly egregious and cruel. And, of course, there's war. I've been reading a lot of news, and I do find it interesting, but I have to take breaks where I compartmentalize and pretend everything's okay for a while. I have to find ways to protect my mental state from the fire hose, or I will not be able to take care of myself, much less others.
On the subject of breaks, I've been finding fun things to do like listening to music and reading. I just read Weak Hero, the Korean webtoon, and absolutely fell in love with it. I'll probably make a post where I just rave about it for a while. Extremely complex and well-written for a story about high school boys getting in fistfights. I'm making a mental list of other things I want to read or even watch (I'm not a TV/film watcher in most cases) so I ought to start writing it down. I was also reading The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides, though I fell off after a difficult brain week. I'll pick that back up during this three-day weekend, I think, because I was really enjoying it.
Also looking forward to getting back into socializing. Maybe even dating. I'll have to get a stupid data-thieving app, since I don't have a lot of local social connections, but if I can find someone I like, it'll be worth it.
Work has been going well. My coworkers and I are getting pretty close, for coworkers. I'm having to consciously distance myself emotionally from the work itself, because there are some organizational/process issues that are pretty frustrating, but which I can't do anything about. I think about the phrase clock in and opt out. In the corporate world, you can't attach yourself to the company. After all, there's no benefit to helping when the best thing for your career is to leave after 2-3 years, when you won't receive the fruits of your labors, and when the company would cut you off without mercy if they thought it would benefit them.
This is starting to get long, so I'll wrap it up here. If you're ever interested in saying hi, shoot me an email at [email protected]. I'd be curious to know if anybody's stumbled on my blog.